Dear Sundays,
Last week I had six vials of blood drawn out of me. The week before that, an ultrasound. This week a cortisol test and another vial of blood. Then there is the trip to the endocrinologist and the gynecologist just around the corner. And the acupuncturist and naturopath.
Last Sunday I talked about getting in the best shape of my life. It's not all about physical appearances. While it's nice to feel more confident about your looks, I care more about how the insides operate. I am unsure what's going on, but I feel like I've lost some of my usual pep. Some of it is seasonal, some of it is grief, and some of it is biological. These are all normal things for my age and these weird times we are living through.
Last year I took an eight-month sabbatical that changed my life. However, I am finding it still takes a fair bit of work to change your life for good. Good and bad habits take time to form and also take time to undo. You know you've changed for good when you're making different choices in the slog of everyday life. Not when you're on an adventure where everything is magical. I still have some work to do to calibrate what's essential in my life. It's much more complicated than I thought.
The other day, I was talking to my friend Teresa about my recent friend breakup. It's been on my mind, and admittedly, it's been a little more unsettling than predicted. I couldn't pinpoint precisely why, but Teresa distilled it down to this ... "You couldn't fix it, and you're so used to knowing how to fix everything."
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